I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
