My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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