Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
