I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
