Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
