hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
