I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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