If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize