What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
this will be a night to untag.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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