It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
