I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
