Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
