The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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