You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
