I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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