I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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