Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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