It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
