The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
