I have demons in me.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
