oh god the rape fog is back!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
