Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
