We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I AM VODKA MAN
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
