I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
