Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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