after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have feelings that need drinking.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
