we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
