I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
