the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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