called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
