my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
40s are totally the cure
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
