You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
