The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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