I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
