I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
