I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
