I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
