Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
