I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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