Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
