the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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