Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
