every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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