Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
