My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
