Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
