I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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