garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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