i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
