That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
