you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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