someone get that fucking seahorse.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
