I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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