you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
