on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
