I think I died a long time ago.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
