i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
